Loving but cheap Birthday Present







Today is my sister’s birthday. You know. The one who was smart enough to leave Paradise and move to VA where the leaves actually turn colors and fall off the trees. On the Right Coast where there’s weather? That one. And in spite of her abandoning me, right when I am actually beginning to have a real life as a stay-at-home mouse potato, and could have influenced her in a variety of tainted ways, I still love her and want to wish her a Very Happy Birthday. Here’s a brief trip down memory lane to celebrate in a very cost effective way (even though you bought me that cool bag packed full of pajamas, unmentionables, and smelly bath items for my last birthday).

Key West, FL 1962







Key West, Florida. 1963. You can tell it would be difficult to love someone who had a scowl on her face until she was about 6 years old. I mean look at the little one in this picture of swell kids. What is her problem? Does she just need sunglasses? A bonnet? Who is her mother, anyway? And whose idea was it to have an Easter Egg Hunt in the rocks?

You probably don’t remember, but this is the place where Mom used to make us wear our tennis shoes in the water because there were so many crabs, they’d pinch our toes — especially your chubby morsels.








Chipiona, Spain. 1964. Maybe it’s because she was abandoned on the beach as a young girl, left with other, non-scowling girls with untangled hair who were bound to be simply gorgeous when they grew up and were destined to live in Paradise, bab-i-fied and married to Prince Charming. Poor urchin. Where is her mother?

Do you remember that bathing suit? It was red with a little skirt and had white turtles on it, or something, didn’t it? And you loved to roll in the sand until you were covered in it. I think this is the only picture that exists where you weren’t cranky about having your picture taken. No wonder the nuns smacked you around in that Spanish school.

But clearly she came out of such a painful childhood caused by years of tolerating vinegar rinses after community, mixed gender bathtub shampoos, and monotonous lunches of “only baloney” and peanut butter without the jelly. Developing a passion for modeling poor eating behavior for the children at the dining table by playing with her mashed potatoes has assured all of us, that she is just fine.

Today, she’s a serious butt-kicking name taker. Don’t even think about approaching her at a gas station while she is on her cell phone and interrupting a serious conversation with her gorgeous older daughter, who, like a good daughter, calls her mother 12 times a day. She will snap you up one side and down another. You will be toast. And be glad that you were not the woman behind the counter at the DMV in VA who made the mistake of asking her far too many questions about her seemingly incomplete paperwork. What was that innocent government employee’s name?

She’s a fierce mom of a competitive cheerleader and gymnast girls, who, after showing everyone she could graduate summa cum laude with a degree in Accountancy and nail a job from an international firm, turned her back on it all to stay at home and boss her family around while her husband has been off fighting wars and stuff. She’s really good at it.

She’s also good at remembering all of our birthdays and I never remember theirs — or get them royally mixed up. They tolerate me with flat expressions and murmurs of, “What do they feed her?”

She’s a tiny thing, but she’s scarier than hell. And I’m thinking that I’d really love to get old with her in VA some day before we can’t walk, talk, or eat salsa on everything anymore.

This is your Birthday Song…It isn’t very long…

Cheers my sister!

Now just for hoots, watch this and have a splendiferous day and indulge yourself somehow. It’s swell.







6 responses to “Loving but cheap Birthday Present”

  1. Awww what a great birthday tribute.. very cute! I particularly like your red socks in that first pick.. teee! And you and your sister are gorgeous! Happy birthday to your sis. =)

  2. Lori AKA Arnold

    Kelly Belly, thank you for rembering my birthday this year! Well, I think you always do, but not with this much dedication. As I dropped my lovely husband off at the metro this morning, I said, “Aren’t you going to wish me a happy birthday?” He never remembers birthdays even though all week I have been saying stuff like, “I don’t wanna die this close to my birthday.” It’s really not that big of a deal. The kids are still sleeping in for spring break, but soon we are going to the shopping mall and then taking the metro to the real Washington DC mall where we will pick up the husband/dad along the way and just hang out. It’s wet and windly here so all the cherry blossoms are probably blown off all the trees by now and stuck to the trash cans…..

    I anm going to share your lovely posting with the kids and send it to Mr. wonderful at work and test him later to make sure he actually read it.

    I love you, Lori

  3. kellypea

    Hey Lisa! Thanks for stopping by again…yes, the red socks–man I hated how they’d creep down my heel inside my shoes. Good thing the spasmodic frozen smile isn’t as discernible….and thanks for the kudos!

    And schnanks, Lori! Maybe the cherry blossoms will be floating in the pool instead looking beautified for your Bday. Buy lots of stuff and make the huzbink pay for it. Schmooches!

  4. Phoof

    Oh dang it! I didn’t fill in all the required fields so when I click submit, it erased everything I wrote with an error message. I wrote some good stuff here too and I don’t feel like repeating it. Geeeeze. I said stuff like:

    Great blog! Going to have to read the rest of the blogs. Love the worn looking photos and especially the section where you chose to cross off some text that really needed to be said and emphasized on. I would have been a bit ruder and inappropriate. Then again, we all know who my mother is. Oh and yes I do talk to that woman 12 times a day because I kind of like her and I got those looks from that skinny little fierce woman. She is sassy!

    Oh and I have seen that laughing baby video before and it is a favorite. It is impossible not to laugh with it. Even towards the end. Have you ever seen the one with the cat who can’t stop flushing the toilet?? check-er out if not.

    happy birthday moth-air

  5. earlene hofer

    LOL and OMG to tears!! It is all so trew! Kelly, you are so funny and I am proud to know you. This is your time, I don’t care what the check book says.

  6. kellypea

    Hey Phoofinella and Gramster, Schnanks for the kudos. I aims to pleeze.

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