Shameless Swaggering and Narcissistic Swashbuckling…arg…

*Consider this post a public service announcement of sorts today. And if you just can’t force yourself to read the whole thing, then at least look for the bold print to speed you along and quit whining about how long my posts are. Is there a freaking rule about it?

I promised I’d do a food blog entry before I wrote here today. That hasn’t happened. I have absolutely no control. I’m wired to this thing and to this spot. I languish daily over all the possibilities:

The RT’s analysis of his PSAT prep class and 1,000 vocabulary cards

My CSS Web Design for Dummies book

The “checking off” of the 5th of my black cat’s nine lives

My deplorable ability to paint my own toenails

The impending fall season (not television…) and all that goes with it

My status as a Phoodplan dropout

Orb weavers

Breaking home run records

Food

or narcissism, hedonism, and nihilism…

I’m good to go on any of these right now. I always have something to write about. Always. I know that you are thinking that you may not be interested in reading about some of these topics, and I completely understand that. The point is that part of my interest in this obsession business of blogging is the opportunity it provides me to write. Just that.

Of course, a side benefit to keeping a blog, or in my case, two blogs, is that I can obsessively read others’ blogs. To learn from them in ways I may not by reading a book I’ve purchased, or by sitting in a room listening to someone talk about similar topics. As with all learning, however, I also learn what not to do. And so over the past four months since I’ve been maniacally driven to started blogging, my analysis of this very strange world has kept me holed up in my office and plastered to my computer enthralled.

It’s fascinating how many connections can be made between this world and the physical world we are supposed to breathe in daily. I won’t blather on about that now, because what I’m getting at is something not very Earth shattering:

We all “blog” for our very own reasons. DUH. And if you don’t want to read what follows immediately, then click down to my point at the end of this post. Just look for the lips.

  • Some simply want traffic driven to their sites. They’ve heard they can earn quite a bit of money doing that. (More on that another time. I supposed I should have added “How not to be a sucker on the Internet” to my list of topics above. That story is a doozie.) Unfortunately, blogs like those are not something I’m interested in reading. Do they annoy you as much as they annoy me? I will click (because I do know that’s all they want at times) to take a peek, but a variety of characteristics of those blogs are less than interesting to me such as the quality of writing, complete lack of personality, quality of information (because that is what they say they are providing — information, right?), design, lack of any kind of discussion, commentary, or anything that makes the site human. It seems those who have created this particular kind of site frantically join communities, attach you as a “friend” and move on, never to be seen or heard from again. What’s the point? It reminds me of this: Let’s say you want to open a business. You feel that the best way to earn an income is by doing this. But you don’t want to put any real effort into it, and you really don’t know how to run the business, and you can’t really discuss in any real depth what you are selling, why you are selling it, who will be interested in buying it, or anything. You’ve opened the “store” and expect it to make money on auto pilot. Have I made my point? There are bloggers who have sites set up to sell product who are human, who write and sell, and respond to comments. Like they would if they had a brick and mortar place of business. I enjoy checking in on them to see what’s new.
  • Other individuals enjoy keeping a type of journal. When I read those blogs, I am very much immersed in the person’s life and learn about what matters to them. What makes them angry. What cheers them. And very often, what is holding them down in life, or challenges them. I enjoy reading these blogs. I am able to compare what challenges me with what they are working to overcome, and I fall short routinely. These remarkable people, I think, are in part strengthened by their ability and willingness to write and share their lives with others. It wouldn’t be the same if I was actually holding their personal journal (because that’s not right), or listening to them speak in a room with others (although some of them would be fascinating to listen to). It’s different because they respond to comments. Simple.
  • Lots of people from several areas of Bloggsville like humor. It ranges from people who NEVER write anything, but post a photo, or a video, or a quotation, or a link to another blog. No comment. I’m very guilty of being the chauffeur on a drive-by of those sites. But there are others who just have a way with words. Whether their words are about themselves, their beliefs, their opinions, their kids, their husbands, their bosses, or life in general, their writing can be hilarious. And I truly enjoy reading. Frequently. I love them because they stand proudly on their own soapbox and let it rip. And I miss them when they don’t write, or when I haven’t read their blog in a couple of days.
  • Then there are the techies. And not just any techie, but the ones who ONLY do the techie thing. These sites are not always interesting because some are similar to the first example — they lack any kind of personality, seem to only be out to make a buck (sorry, but so are the hookers down town…), and reek of doing as little as possible to post with “content” borrowed from someone else. Of course, then there are some great tech sites with outstanding information that even people like me can understand and put to use. The person has taken the time to think about who may read and use the information and make it concrete. They have personality. They occasionally talk about something other than technology (because they aren’t androids). And they can actually write! I especially enjoy the tech sites that actually have comments on the posts (others have ZERO comments in the posts) and real humans respond to them. What a concept. Many are beyond intelligent and I have to sit and wonder how they know all that they know about the Internet, computers, and web design. I used to be able to change the tire on my 10-speed…
  • And the writer’s groups. I hover around those routinely and enjoy reading hopeful writers, poets, fiction writers, and many very talented people who have built careers with their writing talent. Their sites remind me of what I might be like if I chose to have an Education blog — something my stomach isn’t yet strong enough to handle — where I could passionately debate, and eloquently inform the masses on important aspects of changes in the No Child Left Behind legislation, effective uses of Title I allocations, analyses of public school restroom cleanliness before and after The Williams Settlement, comparisons of state adopted textbooks and teacher created curricula, or validity and reliability of assessments used to measure student growth from one year to the next. Scathingly brilliant, don’t you think? Okay, so not. You wouldn’t read my blog if I wrote about those things, would you? I’d have to create another blog.
  • And then there are the bloggers who have a tendency to remind me of cliques in school. They know who they are. That’s the whole point. What I have noticed is if I am not deemed “one of them,” I won’ t get a response. No, I don’t always expect a response or even acknowledgement. But they NEVER respond to comments I’ve left on their sites, and they don’t seem to visit mine. My feelings *whaaaa-whawahwah….*aren’t hurt because I get it. Truly. Perhaps part of the fun is belonging to a group, and then being very public about belonging to that group, so that others can see that you belong to that group. Huh? Just in case you’re actually still reading this, I’m not whining. I’m providing an objective view of Bloggsville. Oh, and it’s entertaining to read along with others who are seriously pissed off about those supposed cliques. Be a fly on the wall and watch it all.
  • Food blogs. Jeez, if you haven’t seen the great ones, you are TOTALLY missing out. They’re amazing and there’s some serious mud slinging thrown in for good measure occasionally. I only have a big toe wedged into that world and I’ll tell you, it’s work. Of course I love to cook, love reading recipes like they were entries in a forbidden diary, love planning parties, and eating, of course. The writing is so different for me, and I’ve struggled to find a “me” at all. I’m getting there, but sheesh, it’s hard work. Think about it. Shopping and cooking all turns into blog material. Everything gets photographed. The lighting sucks, or I don’t know how to use a particular setting on my camera. I don’t take time to use great props (huh?) and how cold does that food get while I’m clicking away? Can you imagine the shrink bills to fix the RT when he hits 30 and realizes all his struggles are because his mom took photos of his food? It’s actually fascinating and I enjoy it quite a bit, but I’ve noticed that the hard core bloggers (whatever that means) sort of just keep a wide path around the food blog group. Funny thing is though, for all the maniacs that just want people to visit their blog…MY TECHNORATI RANKING WAS SO MUCH HIGHER on my food blog very early on with much fewer posts than this one has. It has a built in audience and foodies spend a lot of time on each others’ sites reading and commenting and developing community. Interesting, don’t you think? So much for the link train. I’d rather cook and write recipes. It’s constructive.
  • Sports blogs, gardening blogs, entertainment blogs, celeb gossip blogs, political blogs…I could keep going, but I won’t. I truly make an effort to look at them all.

So here’s my point. (Pull your drawers out of your crack and chill out) MEMES, AWARDS, and LINKS.

  1. Memes exist in part to help people who can’t think of something to write something to write. Right? In some cases (much like prompts for writers) memes can help people exercise their writing skills — if they choose to see it from that perspective. But 8,000 memes? Come on. I’m at the point where anything goes the next time I get tagged so get ready.
  2. Memes in content focused blogs can be interesting because content people only write content, and when you read their blogs on a regular basis, some people want to know more about the blogger. (I’m trying to be understanding here.) Of course, a flyin’ finger could be considered a response.
  3. Links. Link Trains. Rankings. Yanno…..I’m really struggling with this one because I work VERY HARD to visit and comment on other’s blogs. Yes it takes a lot of time, but it is worth it. Isn’t that the real point? The whole ranking thing is…uh…I dunno. Lame? How will having the ranking change things? Really. I need to pull mine off my sidebar, but I don’t feel like digging into my files right now. Trust me. It will be gone.
  4. Awards. It’s swell that people came up with this idea. It think it’s great. I even think it’s great that if someone wants to build a mantel to show off their awards, good for them. If they want to ignore the whole thing, good for them. A person’s blog is HER/HIS BLOG. If someone else doesn’t like how another blogger does what he does, then READ SOMEONE ELSE’S BLOG. There are only about a billion of them to choose from. Go crazy.

The minute we all decided to make our blogs public — and we do get that option — we were fair game. But I’m certainly not going to walk up to my neighbors and tell them that I don’t like the plant that’s blooming in the pot on their porch. Just because I drive by their houses each and every day, I don’t have to interact with them (they don’t appear to want anyone to smile and wave hello. Ever. I know this.) and I certainly would expect them to give me shit if I acted like an arrogant ass (arrogant entitlement abounds in Paradise). I do know how to keep my mouth shut when what is coming out of it just heats up the air (like now.)

 

So…let’s all agree that we’re all swaggering, narcissistic swashbucklers, who through our small slices of Bloggsville, are working post by egotistic post to achieve hedonistic nirvana. I hereby award everyone who enjoys my verbal crapulence, and everyone whose blog I enjoy, this dubious distinction. Wear it proudly.

Yes, you can use it. No, you don’t have to give me credit. Sorry. I don’t know how to do the html thing. Well, I could probably figure it out…but not right now. I’ve already spent an entire morning here and still haven’t done my food blog post. *sigh*

Lipzilla Badge of Honor Lipzilla JOE

Come on. I double dare you to use it. Bwah-hahahahahahahaaha

38 Replies to “Shameless Swaggering and Narcissistic Swashbuckling…arg…”

  1. O-M-G.

    The swashbuckling was a nice touch. Conjures up images of large hats with fancy plumage, swords slicing, and cannons blasting as the treasure chests are filled with awards and meme to-dos.

    Argh, avast ye bloggy dog!

    That was a great synopsis on the different types of bloggers. I never would have imagined that your food blog, (or rather, ANY food blog) would stir up such activity. Shows ta go ya what I know.

    I found remnants of myself in several of your categories, so I will just have to resign myself to falling into the narcissistic swaggering swashbuckler category. WOO HOO, finally a place to call home! 🙂

  2. Yo ho Yo ho!
    Absolutely brilliant!!
    A thoroughly entertaining post as usual, Kellypea!
    We are a narcissisitic lot indeed!
    I wear my hat with pride!
    I have to wonder how on earth people can do this thing for money, though. How, why, wtf?
    I seem to have spent my whole life doing everything for nothing.
    Money? What, how?, oh.. I kinda like it like that too.
    It keeps me pure – as the driven slush, I know..
    Where’s the money in driving traffic to your site. Do you get like 5c per visit or something. I don’t understand the silliness of that, especially when half of them offer – nothing –
    And no comments!!! Ha. I have as much fun reading and responding to my comments as I do writing from my dysfunctional diary!!!
    And reading yours!!
    Fantastic as always xox

  3. You know… it’s tempting. It really is. I look at those lips and think hmm, they’d “go” with my (honorable mention) Rockin’ Girl Blogger award.

    And my several Victoria’s Secret Free Panty offers. And my continuing thralldom to The Veronicas. And there’s also my invitation to that invitation-only successful women’s conference.

    Then I remember “Barbie’s Fairytopia Pop-Tarts” and start to wonder if maybe things are already fuzzy enough in my crowded little mind, gender-wise. So I’m thinking I’ll pass.

    For now at least.

  4. Aye, Dave. Bloggy Dog. I love it! He need a hat with plumes and a soapbox to stand on. With big lips. And I’m a remnants blogger as well. Or schizophrenic, or something.

    As for the food blogs — many well-known mega food authors, serious chefs, and tv celebs have blogs or do guest spots. It’s pretty interesting. Gee willikers…another thing to post about. Giada in the kitchen with the lead pipe…

    Hola, Minx. I totally love that you wear your hat with pride. You’re a pro. As far as the money goes, I’ve never gotten a cent from anything that’s been on my site. It’s just there. And to listen to the writers who are trying to earn on line, it’s sketchy…Sad when you consider that I spent over an hour ironing my huzbink’s shirts today and they look like crap. Oh well.

    Hey RJ, I so did not even consider that you actually ate the Barbie tarts or whatever they were called. But I’m impressed that you are in touch with the chick side of things. Cool. I’ll agree with the lips, tho, so maybe it’s back to the drawing board for a more manly set. With some hair for good measure.

  5. You mean it is narcissistic (did I spell that correctly?) of me, to write totally about myself, completely for my own benefit, then revel in the fact that other people read all about me and what I may be thinking on any given day? Never woulda thunk it. I’ll badge my blog proudly dear, because I have completely created my own little web nirvana and wouldn’t want it any other way! I LOVE that badge – it is too cool.

  6. “And then there are the bloggers who have a tendency to remind me of cliques in school. They know who they are. That’s the whole point. What I have noticed is if I am not deemed “one of them,” I won’ t get a response. No, I don’t always expect a response or even acknowledgement. But they NEVER respond to comments I’ve left on their sites, and they don’t seem to visit mine”.

    I so hear ya! The snooty ones piss me off to no end. I think that’s because I can’t just walk up to them and either slap them upside the head or flip them off. Only so much you can do in blogland ya know? lol.

    Don’t feel bad, the bitches never respond to me either and they are damn lucky when I use up some of my valuable time to comment on their crapola.

    As for the award… oh like I WOULDN’T post that!!! ahahaha. Hopefully I’ll be able to do a post tomorrow and I will most definately use that! LOVE IT!!

  7. Hey Micki! Great to hear from you and Hear, Hear! I wasn’t quite able to put the acid I’m quite capable of in this post, but I was tempted. My get up and go got up and went about 10 months ago. But it’s all good. And this soooo beats writing in a journal. Fly those lips, girl!

    Jo, I’m feelin’ famous because you chimed in on this one — especially for as hard as you work at this. And yanno…I was thinking about another badge…with a “fickle finger of fate” emblazoned across it. Hmmm…might be interesting, doncha think?

  8. hell yeah!! and if there is anything you would like to know about me that i haven’t made public knowledge,,, please just ask… i would love nothing more than to tell the world yet another spine tingling fact about ME….oh yeah.. and you can expect to see that “kiss my narcissistic ass” award on my site asap!!!!

    i love it!!!!!!

  9. its hangin’ proudly in my sidebar, honey… and to make it even better… click on it… and it takes you… where???? right back to my site…. oh yeah!!!!!

  10. paisley, you are HILARIOUS and I can’t wait to see your badge of honor, you swaggering female, you. Mwah! And thank you for connecting it back to your own site. Truly ingeneous.

  11. Paisley, that’s the funniest thing I’ve read all week. ROFL!

    Kelly, this has got to be one of my favorite posts you’ve written. Besides the fact that I’ll be chuckling all day from it, I like how you’ve broken-out the different kind of blogs from your own unique perspective. Hopefully I’m one of those human techi bloggers.

    That badge is absolutely classic.

  12. Thanks, Phil. I’d like to take credit for the inspiration, but I have Dave to thank for that. In fact, I’m only responsible for the lips (mine) and the swashbuckling — something I’ve not been very good at all my life, but am certainly beginning to like. Uh…enjoying the art of blab isn’t the same as being narcissistic, is it? Oh, and of course you’re the model of human techiness.

    Hey, Dave. I’m making one for the guys today. No pink. I figure if the dudes want to get in touch with the feminine side, they can use the pink one. Thanks very much for being my muse. You’d be surprised to find how often you are. It’s those posts you write. I have to chew on them longer than I do most, so they hover in and around my day making me feel guilty for trying to have no opinions for at least another three months.

  13. You are one perceptive and articulate person. I love the way you write.

    I wish I could spend more time absorbing myself in as many blogs (and thus lives) as you manage to do.

    “Too much to do” doesn’t sound like a good excuse, but…umm…oh nevermind.

    I sincerely appreciate your visits to mine, and I will endeavour to come over here for a cup of tea whenever I’m online.

    Cheers Kell,
    Mark

  14. I’m laughing so hard I’m shaking in my chair. This post is PRICELESS!
    This is the post I wish I had written myself!!!
    Here’s where you had me in tears:
    “And then there are the bloggers who have a tendency to remind me of cliques in school. They know who they are. That’s the whole point. What I have noticed is if I am not deemed “one of them,” I won’ t get a response. No, I don’t always expect a response or even acknowledgement. But they NEVER respond to comments I’ve left on their sites, and they don’t seem to visit mine”.

    So I’m definitely taking your dare and taking this badge and linking it straight back to this post…
    Thanks for the best laugh ever!!!

  15. Hey Mark — Ditto. Truly. And you totally have a right to say you have too much to do. There’s no way I’d be doing this if I still had my job. I barely had time to breathe. And I’m still waiting for the next bathroom installment…

    Hi Dawn. Yes, I’ve been known to be a bit terse. Tsk, tsk. I’ll do my pennance by remembering that I once had to do pennance and move on. Well, maybe. I could get a lot of mileage out of this one. Thanks for reading!

  16. Righteous stuff and a lot of it is stuff I’ve thought about myself. You’ve definitely touched on the heart of the blogging matter. Thanks for a great read, chefjp

  17. You’re gonna have to pay for a jaw operation, because mine just dropped. 😆
    While reading this I was like a sewer bum who got to the surface and took a breath of fresh air! Strong personality, quality writing… every blogger’s dream. I wish there could be more blogs like yours.

    I’m a first time visitor, but I will sure come back, just wait for me. 😀

  18. I love this post! Lately everyone seems to be writing blogs on blogging….I feel I must go and write one myself…And girl, do I hear you on the cliques. Fo sho! Great post!

  19. Hey chefjp — Thanks for the feedback and stopping by. I’ve been looking for more food blogs, because let’s face it…the only thing in life that matters is food. Huh?

    Armand, I could say the same for you — ye of the very long posts with deep content that I have to be very focused to read (ask Dave as it’s a frequent whine I utter on his terrific blog…) I will be back to yours as well.

    Hey Chick. Doncha love it when your reading of others’ blogs pays off with ideas for your own posts? It’s great. Everything connects and it all becomes one big conversation…without 8,000 memes…

  20. E — What happened to your blog? I finally went looking for it and it was history. Or dust even, since there wasn’t anything there. At least some people leave the remnants for the rest of us to only wonder what happened. Bummer. In the summer.

  21. Cooper, there’s a wait for the orb weavers…but having been a pro at “things to make with zucchini” due to the 18″ x 4″ specimens that used to grow in my yard a few lifetimes ago, how ’bout I mail something you you?

    The badge could be more interesting…

  22. Coffin freezer in the garage stocked with no less than 80 loaves of zucchini bread. /cringe. That was not a pleasant year. Curse mother and her friend who “lived on the farm.”

    Armand, yeah. Confirmed buddy. 🙂

  23. Kelly: This is the BEST about BLOGGERS POST EVER. This is the DEFINITIVE post on “blogging” and all of the various blogs and blogging communities as a whole.

    (I cant with the clique chicks either! They need to get over themselves)

    I once wrote a long rant about the money making blogger revolution myself, thus NO ADS on my site. please! I write just to fucking write. because I love to, and want to, and as you once said, because I can.

    As Paisley so perfectly stated “that “kiss my narcissistic ass” award on my site” will be posted on MY site IMMEDIATELY!

    Gad! when I grow up I want to write like you do! This was pure brilliance!

    XXXX OOOO

    Ps… I ripped that “train (drive traffic to your blog)” thing down 15 minuets after I posted it. It just made me feel “dirty” or something.

  24. Dave, you are sooooo lying about those zucchini thingys. Aren’t you? For real? You could mail me one so I can fix it up and then get it to Cooper.

    Meleah, you are so great. Maybe we’re on to something here. Thanks for all the kudos, but it’s just piss and vinegar as paisley said in a post a day ago. It works. Well, and pink lips. Woot!

  25. Wait. On second thought, Cooper, it says at the bottom of my post, “everyone whose blog I enjoy…” That would be you. For a while now. Place your order for some lips. Maybe I could fix you up with Dub-yahs or something. Yes? I’ll even make them a color to match your swell theme. Unless you’ve changed it already. Have you?

  26. Shoot. I love the badge (loved the post too)….but I can’t find my category. Where is the “crappy blogger sucking up space on teh internets” category? Maybe I should write about food. I um…..made the kids quesadillas for lunch. Does everyone want to see a picture? They were on paper plates…but not those thin, flimsy ones….no way…they were coated! I’m rambling now…see? where’s my category? Make that “crappy, rambling blogger sucking up space on teh internets”….

  27. That was the best, E.V.E.R. I followed the link Mel put on her sight…and I am in love with this post.

    I’m more of a journal type, with a dash of humor…its my blogary.

    Can I really put that fantastically-fantabulous-badge on my sight!?

  28. I found your site through Twisted Sister. I found her site I found through a shared link that I have with “A Nice Place in the Sun.” Would you be interested in a link swap? Please visit my site at: mondaymorningpower dot blogspot dot com. My site is “Dedicated to the Pursuit, Capture, Care & Feeding of a Positive Mental Attitude.” I have zero adds on my site. I feel that what I have to say has universal significance. If you like what you see and agree, then link my site to yours, leave me a comment on my blog that you have done so and I will immediately do the same. I only make this offer to sites that I know my readers would benefit from. I do believe that our respective readers would benefit from a shared link.

    I agree with your post, however, some of us, including you, have something worthwhile to say. I narcissitically, count myself as one of those. You decide for yourself.

    I think a shared link would be fun.

  29. Mel. Come on. You can pander for the crappy blogger award, but no go. The testicles post is enough to be in the blogging hall of fame. I love that it’s in your sidebar now, so I don’t have to hunt for it when I want to hoot loudly. It’s classic. And I’d think you were more strange if you served the quesadillas on china. Right? But you doooooooo have that very nice camera now, so come on. Get on the phood photoz, girl.

    hey some Girll — thanks for stopping by. Glad you enjoyed and YES you can SO put those luscious lips (or “licks” as we call them around here…) on your blog. No credit. That’s the fun of it!

  30. Hello, found you through Twisted Sister, who I found through The Rocky Mountain Retreat.

    I could sit here and scratch my ass and think, WHY and how do I describe the blogging I am doing? For myself, that’s all… Awesome post, you summed it all up perfectly!

    Cheers!

  31. Hi Claudia, and welcome! I LOVE Twisted Sister. And we completely understand scratching various and assorted parts around here. Uh-huh. Now that you mention it, Hmmm…wonder what type I am. It changes daily.

Comments are closed.