life according to me

life according to me

Dear Mr. Eisner:

And Day Three of my temporary existence as a NaBloPoMo-Ho begins, albeit I did experience a delay in posting as my work to sanitize, clean, paint, and redecorate the RT’s bedroom and bathroom have taken a priority. I know. I’m sorry. I promise it will never happen again. And chickens have lips.

November 3, 2007

The Walt Disney Company

500 South Buena Vista Street

Burbank, CA 91521

Dear Michael Eisner, Chairman and CEO:

I am taking time away from my very important task of protecting the world from the unkempt condition of my teen’s area of our home to express a few opinions regarding the impending closure of one of your Disneyland rides: It’s a Small World. Yes, I do know that everyone and their dog is most likely aware of this, and that again, I’m the last to know, but I digress.

Firstly, I do commend your officer in charge and his or her decision. Although It’s a Small World might be considered “cute,” and does provide a message that is quite important (even though there are quite a few people who are even more less than welcoming and accepting of others who aren’t clones of their less than stellar selves) to us all, it has become quite run down and has begun to look, well — not very Disneylike.

I do fear that if closure hadn’t been decided upon, it would begin to tarnish Disney’s ebullient “I dare you to find a cigarette butt on the ground in the park” image (one of the main reasons I love Disneyland). Not a butt in sight. Truly a wonder to behold and wouldn’t I just love to have some of your employees come clean my house something to be very proud of.
Granted, the toddlers who most enjoy the myriad international dolls whose outdated moving parts make so much noise, the volume of the manically tedious song has had to be turned up to stifle the infernal clacking of eyelids, heads, arms and torsos animatronics are quite weary after cheering crowds for more than 40 years, will be quite sad to not be able to screech at their parents for the 10th time to take them to float through It’s a Small World. I’m already feeling badly for parents, having raised three of my own children and would have left the park if any of them had ever acted like that do understand the need for this ride. Totally.

However, I did hear that the real reason the ride is closing is that the boats which carry visitors through the meandering little river have begun to bottom out during the course of the ride. That in the 1960’s when the ride was first opened, people weighed less than they do now, so there was no problem. But because we’ve become such a nation of heavyweights, the boats can no longer hold the same number of people they once did. This is shocking news and I for one do believe it is yet another finger that can be pointed at McDonald’s, Sara Lee, Burger King, Jack-in-the-Box, Frito-Lay, and Carl’s Jr., to name a few. If it wasn’t for the fact that companies such as these force us to eat food drenched in saturated fat against our will, then we’d still be able to ride on It’s a Small World without bottoming out.

I do believe, however, that you could consider that the park could potentially partially share blame. I delicately submit this question: have you every eaten Theme Park Food? (Okay, so except the food in the restaurant in Pirates of the Caribbean which is pretty good…Okay, and the frozen bananas, too) It is generally worse than Airplane Food, which is seriously worse than a School Lunch.

In retrospect, I could be talked into believing that the texture of the burgers is so much like that of cardboard, you’re simply trying to force encourage more fiber into America’s diet, but that would be a stretch. Perhaps you might consider consulting with Walmart regarding their marketing strategies. Between the two of you, a new campaign that will force entice park goers to know they want whatever it is you have on sale to eat (buy 3, get 15 free) samples from new menus could help matters. But only if those choices were more healthy.

Think of it. Healthy food is most often served in smaller portions and is generally more expensive better for all concerned, so I’m sure you’d make a handsome profit please your visitors. And it is all about profit pleasing the customer, correct? There could be menus with hummus, and ceviche, or tofu and sushi. Baked sweet potato fries and carrot chips. Please consider this carefully, as it would not be good news to hear that the Dumbo Ride can’t get off the ground, after all, would it? Dumbo was a flying elephant.

I do hope that It’s a Small World soon returns to the list of choices for visitors of Disneyland in the not too distant future, and that you won’t be replacing it with a ride that those of us who are pathetically trying to relive our childhood the little ones can’t antagonize their parents over enjoy.

After all, Disneyland is for skinny people kids, right?

Sincerely,

Me.

p.s. While you’re working on the ride, could you please make the boats out of something other than fiberglass? The last time we rode on It’s a Small World (much to the RT’s chagrin), we ended up with rashes where ever our skin touched the boat.



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