What’s the point of this, anyway?

It’s funny how things sometimes change, and as much as I can see that beginning to happen — to not want it to happen — it does anyway. There’s nothing I can do about it. Things that once mattered end up in a place we never intended for them to be, and they get lost amongst all the other parts of life that are…well, life.

I guess I’ve reached the point where I’m wondering what this is all about. This. At first, I began here to simply write. But I’ve never been a journaler, not having the patience to put down what happened in a day’s time I’ve always been more of someone who has a noisy mind, and writing always helped to get some of what was there, out. It’s been nice that in the process, I’ve also gotten to do something I love: work with words.

I love words. And as odd as it may seem, the simple look of some, or the feel of others as I speak are fascinating. Regardless that English has myriad synonyms able to get across a particular point, only one of those synonyms is the best for a sentence to convey exactly what I intend. When it matters.

But there seems to be so little time now, and I’m not sure why that is.

I’ve had my other speck in the bloggosphere as long as I’ve had this one, so that certainly isn’t the issue, although that speck is extremely high maintenance. Sometimes, unbearably.

I’ve enjoyed working with them both, as they’ve allowed me to know a variety of people with different interests. But with the growth of my high maintenance speck, this one — troubled as it’s been with its identity crisis — seems to get pushed aside. And now, often, it just sits here. Doing nothing.

That makes me quite sad.

As much as I love all things food, and as much as I can have my mind wrapped around it quite a good portion of my day, writing about it doesn’t provide me what this space does. And when I don’t take that time for myself, I miss it. No one wants to hear my horror-scope and then take a gander at my cookie recipe. Or survive my latest rant, and then dig into a chocolate mousse. Somehow, that doesn’t quite work. When I’m in my kitchen, I’m usually not waving a wooden spoon and complaining about the guy I have to listen to on the radio each morning when the alarm goes off. As much as writing here provides me a sense of balance, so does being in my kitchen. The two are completely unrelated.

I miss being here quite a bit.

Are blog years like dog years?

So is this the part where I sort of fade off into the sunset? I’ve noticed when others have stopped writing. Their blogs sit there unattended. Forever. Others just disappear. I know I couldn’t do that. There’s too much of my life wrapped up in these words and to me, a significant part of my life. I’d have to put it somewhere because like all the photos I’ve taken in my life, it’s part of me.

I’ve always embraced change and chided those who avoid it. Change is inevitable. It is the one thing we can count on in life — and learn from. But I also know that in spite of change, constants remain.

Maybe the constant for me here is to write when I can.

For me.

There is a little box I can check to keep my writing private.

Is that what I need? I doubt it.

I was going to write about something I saw on one of those network morning shows yesterday that really got me going. But today, it’s overcast and chilly, and I just don’t care now.

This is the part where Scarlett O’Hara would remind herself that tomorrow is another day, and Annie would begin singing, Tomorrow, tomorrow, I love you, tomorrow, you’re always a day away…

Tuesday has never been my favorite day of the week.



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13 responses to “What’s the point of this, anyway?”

  1. Scary, Kelly…

    Scott read your post here before I did…probably while I was busy writing my own “Ode To A Miserable Tuesday” on my blog. As soon as he read mine, he said it sounded like we were having the same day!

    I was initially hesitant to hit my “publish” button for fear that no one would want to read my griping…but it sounds like I’m in good company with my bad mood today.

    Sometimes a body just needs to write…

  2. I know you are sad over this. Best not to decide to do anything for awhile. We all love your mix of pissedoffedness and funnyness. Maybe just let go and spew all over the page about everything.

  3. Ritzy

    Nope! Nope! Nope! You can’t stop writing on your short (not curly) hairs blog!!! Yes, you may be having an “identity crisis” but each day (and I am not joking) I look forward to clicking on your link and seeing what’s on your brain – and it is sometimes agonizing to have to wait out the time difference to see hwta you’re writing about that day. I love your humor, your pictures, your take on life, stories about Paradise, swimming, Yaskstar, slugs and what I love most is your honest & funny VOICE.

    Don’t stop… we will all miss you!
    Hugs from K’zoo!

  4. girl… last time i checked we were all still human first and bloggers second… and humans,, in case you didn’t notice,,, don’t like doing the same thing over and over again,, and not getting anywhere…which is essentially what blogging is.. a written treadmill…

    relax.. do what makes you happy… after all.. aren’t you the only person you started doing this for??? i know i am….

    you are in my reader,, when you write,, i’ll read it… simple as that….


  5. loripea

    Interesting……I think your readers are getting different messages from this post. I think you like this blog more than your cooking blog (I know I do). However, you like to cook, so you continue to work with the other blog, but perhaps writing about cooking is taking all the fun out of cooking. Then again, maybeI will have another beer, read it again and see if I’m left with a different impression.

  6. Melissa

    Please don’t stop this blog… I enjoy it so..It is probably
    the most intellectual stimulation I get… on a regular
    basis… that’s scary.. anyhow… your food blog is
    wonderful and makes me hungry and drool…but this
    blog makes me think…….Keep me thinking.. : )

  7. Hi Gina — Don’t you just hate the doldrums? Sometimes it’s a combination of so many things, it’s difficult to sort it out. And it’s good to know that I was in good company yesterday. I’ll be headed over to read about your day soon…Hopefully today is better.

    Thanks for the empathy, Scott. I appreciate it.

    Hi Mom. The funny thing is, I don’t have anything to spew about. Or, maybe it’s too much to spew. Doesn’t require spewing? Yah. Like that.

    Ritzy, you are a good friend. With all you’ve got going on, it’s very nice that you took the time to shake me out of my ridiculous self-pity. I just have to find my focus. I lost it somewhere. You know, right? I know you do.

    paisley, I know the human attached to my brain does require life and all its accoutrements. And as far as blogging goes, and knowing that I rebel against anything repetitive, I know that feeling like I “have” to do this day in and day out isn’t the issue at all. It truly is the time. I’m a laborious writer. Finnicky beyond belief. I need to get over it and move along. Thanks for being so tolerant of my moods.

    Loripea — it’s funny, because so far, I think they DO understand. And yes, I enjoy this blog more than my food blog. I also know that there’s no way you’d enjoy the food blog. I’ve made lots of comments about it in the past. It’s not having the time to spend on it that I used to now that my cooking blog is humming along. It’s grown so much just since January, that it requires quite a bit of work to keep going. I still enjoy my cooking — nothing could ever change that. Ever. I actually enjoy the cooking more than the eating. But in much the same way as with my writing, if I don’t have the time to spend that I require, it isn’t as fulfilling and both are turned into “something else to do” which I’ve never been good at. Routine aspects of life are completely boring to me and I will avoid taking care of them like the plague.

    You had another beer, right?

    Hi Melissa, Thanks for your thoughts. And as far as the intellectual stimulation goes, I get it. I feel like that when I haven’t had my dose of NPR and since I haven’t been in the car much lately, I’m at a loss on what’s going on “out there.”

  8. I love this blog, but I understand your feelings too.

    BTW, those photos just touched my heart…..something about them…..I’m not sure.

  9. Melissa

    I know what the “chick” is talking about… the legos..
    my son is 12 and still loves his legos… but I the time
    is close to ending….. he is growing up…. and it makes
    me kinda sad….I’ll have those legos all over my house
    to remind me of my little boy…..:(

  10. Hey Chick, thanks. I can imagine that you do understand. I know you do. And the photos? I saw the Lego man in one of my kitchen drawers. Most of them are packed away and gone now. Some given away, and other still sitting in huge boxes. Three boys worth if you can imagine it. They took up about two full trunks. All those memories of stepping on them, and enjoying how much each of their personalities came out with what they chose to build. Simply amazing.

    Melissa, our Legos have been traded for sketches of strange cat warriors and miniature game models. Coke cans, and burrito wrappers. Somehow not as eloquent, but clearly an indicator that life continues on.

  11. I am at a crossroads with my blogging now as well. I love it, but I just don’t have the time that it takes to put into it. I miss it, but then when I think that I may sit down and write about something, I just don’t feel like it. I feel like I need to write something or it will just fade away…and I’m not sure if I am ready for that.

    I love your blog. It is funny and thought-provoking. I agree with paisley….that is what feedreaders are great for. You write whenever you are feeling it and I’ll be there to read it….whether there are 2 days or two months between posts.

  12. Mel, I miss you. And at this point in time, you’re one of the bloggers I mentioned. Last time I checked there was nothing there but a message that said your site was under maintenance. I hope you and your family are well, and I wish you the very best…

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