life according to me

life according to me

Babysitting 101? Not.

Your husband asks you if it’s okay that a nephew comes to stay for a few hours one night while his family is out on the town.  You say, “of course,” because how difficult is it to watch a 5-year-old?  After all, you’ve raised three boys of your own, and taught countless children.  Right?

You:

  • are fairly certain you still have some of the trillions of Legos your boys collected and that you begged the two older ones to take away, to sell on eBay, or maybe build a shrine to their mother with — somewhere.
  • feel more than a little anxiety when you can’t find the Legos, but resourcefully drag the little pool table that no one ever played with from the dark fuzzy region under the RTR’s old bunk bed so your nephew will have something to play with.
  • tell the RTR that since his older brothers entertained him endlessly when he was growing up that he needed to entertain his little cousin and that this would be called Paying it Forward.
  • order pizza because that makes everybody happy no matter what
  • finally remember that the box of Legos you saved are shoved in the garage with the Christmas decorations — somewhere
  • ask your nephew if he wants to play with the Legos or go to the pool with the MoH who’s planning on doing some laps
  • should remember that five-year-olds don’t always completely understand the concept of a choice
  • smile when you see that the RTR has gotten out the army men and know that should keep them busy for about 10 minutes
  • How to Babysit a Younger Cousin

  • tell the little guy after he says that now he wants to swim, that Uncle MoH has already gone, and should be back any minute now
  • feel relief when the pizza arrives
  • smile when he quietly asks where the trash is, then sticks his head in the can and barfs up more than you’ve ever seen a little boy barf — and you’ve seen a lot of barf.
  • feel his cool forehead, wipe his little face and let him rinse his mouth, but think, “Dang.  He must do this a lot.  He’s not even upset.”
  • watch him run back up the stairs to play like nothing happened.
  • see him come back into the kitchen and barf again, then ask him what he had for lunch, hoping nobody else in his family was barfing since that would sort of spoil their evening at the theater.
  • point to the clock explaining where the big hand needs to be for his mother and father to come get him.
  • carry your Mac into the livingroom, placing it on the floor so he can watch Star Wars with the RTR and get comfy with a blanket.
  • hope he nods off even though he doesn’t look like he’s going to.
  • watch him barf again even though there’s not much left to barf.
  • wonder what his parents are going to think we did to him when they get back.
  • know you’ll probably never be asked to babysit your nephew again.
  • decide babysitting is different than riding a bike or jumping rope.

Who knew?
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7 thoughts on “Babysitting 101? Not.”

  • Totally. He’s such a nice little kid though. Such a trooper. I just wanted to squeeze him, but he wanted to play. I guess having two older sisters (way older) toughens you up.

  • So what was it? Was the whole family sick? Was he just a nervous Nelly? What gives? I had a kid over for one of my kids B-day party and she barf in the hot tub…..

  • We never found out. I guess he was still drinking water the next day. By the looks of it, it was the Chinese food. But nobody else was even queasy, so???? Gross on the barf in the hot tub. Wait. You mean that kiddie pool you guys run hot water into from your kitchen window? Totally yuck.

  • Ahhh, sounds like fun Kelly! Next time I come out to Paradise I will make sure to bring my little Punks and you can babysit practice again! 🙂 Or, we leave them with RTR and go for drinks and he can watch them!

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