Third Pounders, Slim-Fast & a Stevia Chaser to Go, Please.

I’ve got food on my brain today. I know you’re currently questioning an image of me with a fried egg on my head or something. Or perhaps wondering if I’ve gone bonkers having decided that if I lay food on my head, then I won’t be able to absorb calories, and will still be able to nourish myself. Condition my hair at the same time as well? Ah….no. I’ve succumbed. I’ve pulled the Slim-Fast from the back of the fridge. And worse? I’ve cracked open a jar of 100% Pure Stevia for my coffee this morning. And fat-free Coffee Mate. Blech. Seriously.

So that means I’ve consumed any number of barely pronounceable “ingredients,” and “minerals” this morning. *sigh* How I miss my Kashi and blueberries. And what the hell is Stevia, anyway? I saw it at Trader Joe’s, thought about it for two whole seconds and threw it in my basket right before vacation. Past experience has proven that no matter how much I have walked, or as in the case this year, swam and paddled a kayak, I return blimplike. A veritable dumpling just missing the gravy. A chubbette. Or phattissima. Have I made my point?

Retrospectively, I did not pork out on our vacation:

Chicken and Sausage Kabobs with Rice and a salad. Not big portions. Roasted veggies, mushrooms….YUM. Oh, but the MoH made Banana pancakes the next morning. Yes, and he drove them to the beach slathered in butter and “lite” syrup where my VBF and I were staked out with lounge chairs and building our compound at 8AM.

Then Grilled Tri-Tip, Roasted potatoes, and salad. Again, not big portions. Oh. But there were lovely berries and cream with chocolate chip merengues. Meringues don’t have calories, right? And berries are loaded with antioxidants. So there was only a plop of cream. Not too bad.

But there was breakfast again the next day. But then there were those grilled pork chops and quinoa salad with grilled bread. And pancakes and waffles the next morning. Oh my gawd, and then that pasta the last night with grilled sausage, chicken, veggies….And that baked blueberry crisp. With vanilla ice cream. Y-U-M.

Of course, I consumed absolutely no wine the entire time. Don’t blink or you’ll miss those low flying pigs…

Okay, so does no lunch every single day count for anything? Jeez. What am I supposed to do, starve myself?

Um…so on the way home we stopped at Mickey D’s. I just had to try one of those new angus Boi-gahz. Had. To.

Lunch on the Road What? You can’t see it quite clearly?

Boi-gah It actually tasted like a real hamburger. For the first time ever. And I don’t want to hear anything about Fast Food Nation, okay? Gimmeabreak. I’m not a Fast Food Frequent Flyer and I eat my grains and veggies regularly, okay? So no surprise that I’m not a vegetarian, but I have read recently that vegetarians are eating more meat… Just not Mickey D’s.

So how many calories could be in one hamburger? Huh? Uh, according to this source, only about 800. Uh, approximately three Lean Cuisine frozen entrees. That’s three lunches. No, I’m not checking on the fries. Or the Sprite. So probably four lunches.

My Slim-Fast has 190 calories. The Stevia zip.


Tomorrow I have to deal with the Thinner Bitch, that heartless, cold, slab of worthless metal and springs that I may launch across the street if she gives me any grief in the morning.

Thinner Bitch





5 responses to “Third Pounders, Slim-Fast & a Stevia Chaser to Go, Please.”

  1. shit kelly,,, face it america is fat,, they talk a lot of shit about diet and nutrition,, and continue to get fatter,,, whatever… i eat,, and snack and treat myself,,, and never gain an ounce… but i am like 20 lbs over weight,,, according to society,,, not my body,,, my body can have candy bars for dinner and not gain anything… but i have to starve myself to loose??? i don’t think so… if my body is happy,, i am happy,, they can call me fat or think i’m fat or whatever the hell it is,,, but i know i am exactly what my body wants me to be,,, nothing more,,, nothing less….

  2. True. It’s just a drag to have to think of it all. Especially when you like food as much as I do. And to be honest, I’d like to be healthy as long as I can. Use it or lose it to me means more than just pounds. And the little aches and pains aren’t an accident. Time passes. Things change. Unless we do something about them.

  3. but you have really pretty feet!

    Aww, Kelly, stop being so hard on yourself!

  4. It’s all in good fun, Meleah. Truly. If someone lined up a bunch of bodies and we could actually trade, I most likely would not. It’s taken far too many years to get to know the one I have, and although it’s changed a bit over the years, I like it. Liking it means I get to rant about it. And ranting about my relative largesse could be far more pithy than attempting to describe my on-going learning sessions with hot-flashes. I grin and bear those. But would trade them away for my feet 🙂 or something like that.

  5. Hmm. Haven’t seen those angus beasties in our local McDs.

    Might help if I looked, though.

    Actual hamburger taste you say?


    Good luck with the Slim-Fast and “food alternative” aka Stevia.

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