Dear Friend…

Do you ever look at your junk mail? No, not in your email — your snail mail. You know, the kind that comes from all those trees. Yes, that junk mail.

Well. In my junk snail mail, I received a letter from Bill Clinton today. It says, “Dear Friend,” and I wondered, why did I open this? I never open things like this. But I was being efficient and sorting through all the crap that fills our tiny mail cubicle, such as “Learn Why You Must Invest in Energy Now!” Okay. Let’s not and say we did. Moving right along.

I read it. The whole thing. The Bill Clinton thing, not the oil investment thing. I’m not sure why, but perhaps it was just to see what Bill had to say. He did always have much to say, right? I was wondering the entire time I was reading who actually wrote it, and how much a gig like that could pay. Does anyone know I’m for sale? Hello?

Bill talks about Hilary, of course. I mean, what’s not to talk about? Her hair, her suits, her social smile. He talks about how Hilary didn’t want to ever run for office (and chickens have lips), but that she went on to do this, and that, and accomplish such and such after this and that failed. You know. Hilary. Is there one, or two l’s in her name? Two? Okay, sorry. Hillary.

“Bill” writes about how she never gave up and how she visited 82 countries representing the U.S. That’s outstanding. And how when she became a Senator, she “immediately went to work on solutions to America’s problems. You know, I get how this whole resume thing works. It’s not like we weren’t watching. And I am wondering…if…maybe…But.

What it all boils down to is that I’m only a zip code to Hilary, and that is a very, very bad thing. Everything I am, I’ve been, I believe and know has been reduced to a specific sequence of numbers printed on an elegantly shaped envelope that smacks of something I’d receive from a friend. You just gotta love those folks who majored in marketing. Or something.

Through “Bill,” Hillary hopes I’ll “take a moment right now to add [my] energy, passion — and, yes, [my] financial support — to Hillary’s remarkable campaign.”

Uh. Nope.

I gave at the office. Besides, I’d have to get a ball gown or something, wouldn’t I? Do they take people in jammies? And who strike a mean key instead of wielding a pen? Probably not.

But it would be interesting to work “side-by-side” with “Bill” in the months ahead to help Hilary — oops, Hillary — change America’s direction…

I’m scratching my head right now, wanting to gear up for the election which is…what? More than a year away? But what’s up with the whole begging for money deal? Have I arrived and nobody told me?


So that means I’m in Kansas?

Fine. Then where are my red sparkly shoes?





6 responses to “Dear Friend…”

  1. What a special guy. Really though, you should hold onto your money. Let it earn some interest, then give it to ’em next year.

    If you remember.

  2. Oh god. I’m glad I threw my letter away.

    They need to HIRE YOU as the head writer, at least than the lies would be much more entertaining.

    PS: Isn’t life in jammies GRAND? (I cant wait for my turn to sport PJ’s 24/7)

  3. RJ, that would be great advice if I actually had more than change in my wallet. I’d actually have to work to earn money. And there are a ho-lotta things in line to purchase before the Clintons or any politician gets money from me. *insert arrogant swagger here*

  4. Meleah, maybe I’ll just hire myself and have a good laugh. The sad state of affairs in the jammy department is that I have new car pool kiddos who seem a bit more coherent in the morning now, so I actually put earrings in as well as don real clothes…What is the world coming to, anyway?

  5. The whole campaigning thing drives me crazy. I love democracy and all, but I hate election years…and years…and years. Since they are dragging out the campaigning earlier and earlier each time…like when you see Halloween stuff in the stores in July and Christmas things in September. They all look like middle schoolers posturing in the quad at lunch, each trying to gather the biggest group of followers around themselves, while bad mouthing and spreading rumors about the others. Bleh. If they keep it up, I may just have to write in Donald Duck for my vote in 08. His speeches would be fun to listen to.

  6. Hi Mel, I actually enjoy it now. I didn’t used to, and even though I’m involved, I too, dislike the campaigning. It’s sort of a game to me now, to sort through the available info and then decide what not to believe they’re saying, or read between the lines to find what they’re not saying. And I’d need an interpreter for Donald…I never could figure out what he was saying. Now Daffy Duck? That’s a different story all together.

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