Do you ever look at your junk mail? No, not in your email — your snail mail. You know, the kind that comes from all those trees. Yes, that junk mail.
Well. In my junk snail mail, I received a letter from Bill Clinton today. It says, “Dear Friend,” and I wondered, why did I open this? I never open things like this. But I was being efficient and sorting through all the crap that fills our tiny mail cubicle, such as “Learn Why You Must Invest in Energy Now!” Okay. Let’s not and say we did. Moving right along.
I read it. The whole thing. The Bill Clinton thing, not the oil investment thing. I’m not sure why, but perhaps it was just to see what Bill had to say. He did always have much to say, right? I was wondering the entire time I was reading who actually wrote it, and how much a gig like that could pay. Does anyone know I’m for sale? Hello?
Bill talks about Hilary, of course. I mean, what’s not to talk about? Her hair, her suits, her social smile. He talks about how Hilary didn’t want to ever run for office (and chickens have lips), but that she went on to do this, and that, and accomplish such and such after this and that failed. You know. Hilary. Is there one, or two l’s in her name? Two? Okay, sorry. Hillary.
“Bill” writes about how she never gave up and how she visited 82 countries representing the U.S. That’s outstanding. And how when she became a Senator, she “immediately went to work on solutions to America’s problems. You know, I get how this whole resume thing works. It’s not like we weren’t watching. And I am wondering…if…maybe…But.
What it all boils down to is that I’m only a zip code to Hilary, and that is a very, very bad thing. Everything I am, I’ve been, I believe and know has been reduced to a specific sequence of numbers printed on an elegantly shaped envelope that smacks of something I’d receive from a friend. You just gotta love those folks who majored in marketing. Or something.
Through “Bill,” Hillary hopes I’ll “take a moment right now to add [my] energy, passion — and, yes, [my] financial support — to Hillary’s remarkable campaign.”
I gave at the office. Besides, I’d have to get a ball gown or something, wouldn’t I? Do they take people in jammies? And who strike a mean key instead of wielding a pen? Probably not.
But it would be interesting to work “side-by-side” with “Bill” in the months ahead to help Hilary — oops, Hillary — change America’s direction…
I’m scratching my head right now, wanting to gear up for the election which is…what? More than a year away? But what’s up with the whole begging for money deal? Have I arrived and nobody told me?
So that means I’m in Kansas?
Fine. Then where are my red sparkly shoes?