B.L.O.B. News

Now that I’ve been ripped a new a**hole by two very lovely folks from New Hampshire, let’s move on to discuss the great things happening in “other news…”

Right now, my mother is thinking, “News? If I wanted to know what was going on in the world, I’d watch the news.” Sorry, Mom. I’m not in the mood to write about why one of my cats peed on the floor next to the catbox instead of in the catbox last night, but I am still scratching my head because it’s never happened before. Well, at least with respect to the catbox. I am quite used to boys missing the toilet, but I don’t feel like writing about that, either. Or why the Yack Star is on an “attach her fat self to the side of the leather chair before hoisting herself up to the arm” kick right now.

She’s. Going. To. DIE. Yack Star

I’m also not feeling like grousing about neighbors, issues with the new school year, housekeeping — or the lack thereof — or food. Mmmm…food.

But I am interested in — because it’s my B.L.O.B.* and I can write about it if I want to:

From the Detroit Free Press: “State gas prices 37-cents higher than national average, no reason why”

Uh…welcome to our neighborhood. Seriously. I feel for you. For about three seconds. It’s about freaking time someone else had crappy gasoline prices. Any time now, “THEY” will tell us that they’re switching to winter gasoline, whatever the hell that is and we’ll be right back there with yah.Oil Prices

Western Farm Press: “California hiding behind tiny smelt, not facing reality”

“Makes you wonder what DWR leaders were thinking when they shut down Delta transfer pumps and told everyone: no big deal. People would just quit drinking water and farmers would stop farming while fish biologists count needles (tiny minnows) in a haystack (the vast California Delta)?”

OMG — this guy is hilarious. Whatsisname? Harry Cline. Fuh-neeeeee.

The easy save-the-smelt target is the pumps. You can turn them off and on.”

I just love this guy and his completely irreverent attitude toward our illustrious politicians. Smelt Hook, anyone?

BBC News: “Markets fall after dip in US jobs”

“The surprise 4,000 reduction in the US workforce in August sent the main Dow Jones index down 211 points…”

Hmmm…how many college students quit their jobs before going back to school each fall? Or which giant, struggling US company released employees instead of being able to renegotiate labor contracts? Wait, it was that huge mortgage company…

“Analysts fear the job cuts show that the recent market turmoil has spread to the wider US economy.”

The sky is falling, the sky is falling…I’ve always wondered what “analysts” actually do. You know…work wise..?

“Michael Metz, chief investment strategist at Oppenheimer & Co in New York, reacted to the latest employment figures with gloom.”

“It’s dreadful…it seems to me almost inevitable we’re heading for recession,” Mr Metz said.”

Doom. Gloom. Chicken Little Sorry. I couldn’t resist. No, I didn’t make it. Image credit to: Internet Weekly [dot] org

Market Watch: “Assessing Maria Bartiromo and Erin Burnett”

“Today, the media biz’s juciest smackdown is taking place inside the hallowed halls of CNBC. Maria Bartiromo is fending off Erin Burnett, who is about nine years her junior.”

I like BOTH of them and what the hell does AGE have to do with it? If this was about two men, there would be NO mention of age. They’re both great — well, except Maria does get a bit worked up on the floor and yells…’Money Honey?’ Now that’s just wrong.

The Motley Fool: “Curse You, Steve Jobs!” iPhone Brainwash Ad courtesy of iPhone Matters

“I work hard for my money, and shelling out the $600 for the phone wasn’t easy. But it felt cool having a phone that everyone wanted but not everyone could have. However, with the phone now retailing for $400, the device will be financially accessible to a wider audience. Apple has to know this decision would frustrate its customers who paid nearly 33% more for the phone just over two months ago. So why would it do this?”

Uh…I get that there are people who get a rush over having the latest and greatest…but to actually write it. Like this? What? You’re expecting positive attention for this? She’s joking, right?

“Apple figured that it could significantly mark up the price initially, as the phone attracted gadget enthusiasts willing to pay premium prices for the phone. But now it feels that it has maximized profits from that market and is now tapping into the lower market in order to keep expanding sales.

Lower market? Would that be the common folk? Who is this person? I hope I’m supposed to be laughing right now, because otherwise…It reminds me of the sanctimonious attitude of those who, after paying premium prices for real estate, are disgruntled to find that “RENTERS” have moved in next door. The horror of it all.

“I absolutely love my iPhone, and I may be a bit overzealous about the price drop since it directly affects me…”

Okay, so I’m laughing?

MSNBC: “Apple responds to backlash, offers apology”

“Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs apologized and offered $100 credits Thursday to cusomers who shelled out $599 for the most advanced model of the iPhone this summer, only to have the company unexpectedly slash the price $200 in a push to boost holiday sales.”

So this is a bit like the mortgage default problem — people in California, Arizona, Nevada, and Florida who bought homes with zero percent down loans and never intended to live in them (read Flip That House) are now whining, getting ready to dump the load on everyone else, and hell, if they wait long enough, have Uncle Sam bail their sorry asses out. Yah, I think that sounds about right. They’ll turn around and purchase something else that’s risky. The people who receive the iPhone rebates will go to the Apple store and buy more Apple products.

iTnews: “Storm worm botnet more powerful than top supercomputers”

“Sergeant said researchers at MessageLabs see about 2 million different computers in the botnet sending out spam on any given day, and he adds that he estimates the botnet generally is operating at about 10 percent of capacity.”

Great. At least I can rest easy knowing that I’ll have the opportunity to purchase cheap Viagra, vibrators, knock-off Gucci purses, and no point loans.

Garlic Spam

Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, stay tuned for our regularly scheduled programming.


Beleaguered Labour of Bullsh*t





5 responses to “B.L.O.B. News”

  1. I especially like the $100 “credit” aspect. Not a rebate. Not a refund. An opportunity to buy MORE cutting-edge aka obscenely high profit margin Apple bits.

    Why would Mr. Jobs & Co. make such an offer? Hey, they’ve got nothing to lose; no self-respecting Applyte will break ranks. What’s really sad (I think) is the Apple customer base isn’t even kinda-sorta stupid; there’s probably more intelligence spread among the Apple minions than any other rabid loyal consumer group. So they’re not dumb, but – apparently – they have a surplus of disposable income. I think it’s downright admirable of Mr. Jobs & Co. to try and redistribute that surplus.

    Also now I want an iPod touch REAL BAD.

    …Did you see where I put my Kool-Aid?

  2. Um…RJ…I don’t need to know where your Kool-Aid is. I drank mine a long time ago. Hence, my on-going love affair with my iMac that they will have to pry out of my arms after I cease to exist, or am sucked into its mezmerisingly beautiful monitor. I had one of the very first iBooks… =)

    But no. I do not lust after an iPhone. I have touched one, however. With great reverence.

  3. How foolish those who run out to buy something the minute it is released. Of course that was going to happen.

  4. Hi there…

    All in one post… well yeah definitely “B.L.O.B News”…. 🙂

    I Liked it…

  5. I want ALL my news from YOU all the time…. FROM NOW ON.

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