Dear House Fairies…

Okay, still going strong with NaBloPoMo. Lovely Sunday morning — coffee, magazines, a tasty hot bowl of steel cut oatmeal with green apples, pecans, brown sugar and cardamom. And the MoH and RT cozied up watching football. *sigh*

November 11, 2007

Dear House Fairies,

Yanno, I need to swing a deal with you guys. I’m totally not getting around to doing my housework and the place looks like, well…crap. There are piles everywhere from redoing the RT’s room, and from preliminary stages of organizing the office. My mom’s photos are also being gone through now and are in stacks of this and that and those. Jeez. I never quite perfected the art of finishing one thing before starting another. I am making some progress as I’ve given away more of the RT’s books from childhood, and two chests full of Legos. But it hasn’t put much of a dent in anything. It’s quite pathetic.

How about if you just find a way to sneak out of where ever you hide in the night to just spruce everything up. ‘Kay? Sort of Martha-ize the place? Because I just can’t seem to do everything I want and need to do in a 24-hour day and I’m perpetually behind.

Does fixing toilets fall under the category of Martha-izing? The luridness of the RT’s toilet isn’t something I can quite capture with mere words. The newly painted walls haven’t really done anything other than make it stand out even more. I’ve been thinking about whether I might be able to feed a power sprayer through the window from the spigot outside in the back. You know, sort of blast the thing into the next century?

And the laundry room is quite the wreck. I think the cats play in their catbox since there’s more sand on the floor than there is in the box and one of them insists upon leaving crap uncovered every single time, like it’s some little present. What is up with that?

Then there’s the RT’s pile by the garage door. It’s a wonder one of us hasn’t tripped over the backpack, the boxes of models, and textbooks. His shoes, and stinky bag of damp towel and swim trunks from PE. Everything is strung across the carpet.

Speaking of carpets, I need to have them cleaned. What? You don’t do carpets? So I guess I’ll have to call. But my roots are seriously beginning to show and if I get the carpets done for Thanksgiving, then our guests will have to try and figure out why I’ve parked a skunk on my head. It could distract them from their meal.

Do you guys do hair?



Oh, but could you speak to the car fairies about getting my tune up taken care of? What? Your guys don’t talk to their guys?


Forget the perfunctory missive concluding niceties…


p.s. And I don’t want to hear anything from anybody about what a completely stoopid letter this was. I have to write about nonsense once in a while, right?





7 responses to “Dear House Fairies…”

  1. This post wasnt stupid. It was quite funny.

    Id actually like a MOVING FAIRY to come magically pack my house.

  2. ps…. The hair is way more important than the carpet.

  3. A house fairly contest giveaway is in order.

    I wonder at your stamina-it’s been exemplary so far. If anyone deserves a house fairly or two it is you.

  4. Sorry, Kel, the House Fairies are way busy over here. I’ll send them over your way momentarily….

  5. go with the dire emergencies I call I 800 – MOLLYMAID..but I’m a typical male slob.. so it’s on speed dial….:):)

  6. sounds like you have LAD. I’ve had it for quite some time… there is no cure… and the fairies are a freakin myth… I KNOW… I’ve called upon them many times!

  7. meleah, you are SOOOOOOOO right. I’d decided that yesterday. I’m calling for an appointment today. And I don’t blame you for wanting a moving fairy. I DEPLORE packing more than just about everything.

    Thanks, Cooper. I’m not sure if my stamina is fueled by tenacity or just plain stubbornness. Now that I think of it, more like piss ‘n’ vinegar. Since you’re so good at organizing, could you get on the house fairy thingy. Please?

    Robert, You’ve given me an idea. Maybe Molly Maids ONLY for the RT’s area. Speed dial…bwa—-hahahahahahaha!

    Dawn, I’m thinking you’re right. Lazy Ass Disorder would be semi correct. It’s a sub version, tho — Lazy Bloggin’ Ass Disorder. LBAD.

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